It's Never Enough Read online

  “Thank you. I’m glad to see you came prepared.”

  “My valet, Foxtel gave these to me recently. It is amazing how often I have had occasions to need scissors since that time. I don’t know what I ever did without them.” Robert realized he was chattering inanely. Selina must think he’d gone daft after his sobering experiences in battle.

  “There are quite a few branches with berries on them. The dinner table will look very festive this evening.” She sounded nervous, uncomfortable with their conversation.

  “I certainly hope you will be able to do justice to the feast that Cook is preparing for us.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Robert regretted them. There was nothing like pointing out a person’s weakness to them—a sure way of gaining their scorn. He never, ever intended for Selina to despise him. The thought of losing her friendship suddenly made it difficult for him to breathe.

  “You needn’t concern yourself, my lord. But I…I am hopeful that my uneasiness has passed. I did very well at breakfast this morning.”

  It was just as he had feared. Her tone of voice sounded tense and angry when she answered him. He must attempt to make amends. “I’m sorry, I spoke without thinking and I have embarrassed you. You must believe that was not my intention. I was concerned about your welfare.”

  “Must I remind you that your anxiety over my well-being is misplaced, my lord? You set me free, remember? The state of my health can be no concern of yours.”

  Robert was shocked by Selina’s cold, hostile manner. He opened his mouth to protest her assumptions only to be interrupted by Sir William.

  “Lord Crestor, you’re wasting a golden opportunity.”

  Frustrated by the disruption, Robert turned toward the gentleman, aware that his expression mirrored the ill-temper and indignation that was churning inside him. “What are you talking about?”

  Sir William stepped backward and dropped his half-filled bag to the ground. “I…I, the mistletoe, it’s…hanging above your heads.”

  Robert twisted around and spied the cluster of yellowish green leaves decorated with white berries hanging over them, clinging to one side of the trunk. He stepped away from the tree just as he heard the voices of the others.

  “We have our bag filled,” called out one of the Bartley sisters. “Do you need our assistance?”

  “What, ho! You two found some mistletoe!” Lord Bartley declared loudly.

  Out of the corner of his eye, Robert had seen Selina compress her lips together and stare down at the ground. She was undoubtedly as discomfited by the situation as he was. He remembered thinking that he must act quickly to get them out of this coil. “No. You don’t understand. We never saw it.”

  Justin had scowled at him from his position behind Lord Bartley. “Did I hear you correctly? No?”

  “I’ll gladly do the honors.” Lord Bartley then stepped forward, put his hands on Selina’s shoulders and bent over to kiss her cheek.

  The Bartley sisters had giggled, Selina flushed and looked uncomfortable. Lord Bartley seemed quite pleased with himself.

  The group swiftly dispersed at that point. Lord Bartley escorted Selina and his sisters into the house. Robert had accompanied Sir William, who babbled nervously about the upcoming Christmas Eve dinner and Justin, stone-faced, and silent strode over to the servants’ entrance where he left the bags of pine and holly branches with a servant.

  Robert stretched his legs out in front of him and took another sip of brandy. He wasn’t feeling sociable. He assumed the others had gathered in the sitting room for beverages and shortbread. The unsettling dream he had last night combined with the disconcerting events that occurred today had left him decidedly confused and perplexed. He stared at the dancing flames.

  “Are you planning on joining the rest of us, son?” his father’s voice rang out from the doorway.

  He came to his feet and raised his glass. “No, I’ll just finish this drink and head to my room to change for dinner.”

  “I know this is your first full day back home after the ghastly experiences I’m certain you faced on the battlefield. I hesitate to say anything. But you must make amends with Lady Selina as quickly as possible.”

  Robert frowned at his father. “What do you mean?”

  “Your mother and I are aware that you did what you deemed the honorable thing to do and told Lady Selina that she was free before you left but now that you have returned in one piece, thank goodness, you need to reinstate your intentions to her.”

  “Other circumstances have come to my attention that make such a thing impossible to do.”

  “You’re talking in riddles. Explain yourself.”

  “To be clear, she is in love with someone else.”

  “What? I don’t believe it! Did she tell you this?”

  “She didn’t need to say anything to me. I saw the evidence with my own eyes. I don’t wish to say any more on the subject.”

  His father sighed and turned away from him. “I wish you would verify her true feelings. I sense you are reading the situation incorrectly.”

  * * * * *

  Selina reached up with a shaking hand to touch the strand of white pearls at her neck as she made her way downstairs. She still hadn’t recovered from the embarrassing situation earlier in the day with Robert and the mistletoe. Thankfully, he didn’t join them for tea and biscuits this afternoon. How was she to face him now? The delicious Christmas Eve feast Cook had surely prepared was going to taste like dry bread crumbs in her mouth if she managed to take any bites at all. If it had been any other night, she would have requested her meal be sent up on a tray to her room.

  Justin, Lord Rockton, was standing by himself in the entry. He seemed to be deeply absorbed in contemplating the arrangement of the tiles on the floor. He looked up and smiled at her as she reached the bottom step.

  “Ah, Lady Selina, you look beautiful. That dark shade of green makes your eyes glow like jewels and your hair shine like silk.”

  Gracious! She had known him for many years but couldn’t remember him speaking to her in such a devoted, charming manner. She hastily looked down at her dress. Her confused thoughts about Robert and his actions had caused her to be distracted when Ellie helped her into her garments. She had barely glanced in the mirror before she left her room. “Thank you so much for your compliments, my lord. This dress is a particular favorite of mine.”

  He reached down to clasp her hand. “Let me assure you the lady wearing the dress makes the garment that much more beautiful. I doubt that many other women in my acquaintance could do such a thing, my dear.”

  “You’re very kind.”

  “I wish to ask you something. You and I have known Robert for many years.” He squeezed her hand and she looked into his face to find him staring at her intently. “I’m concerned about his behavior. He made some strange comments to me at breakfast that made me angry. I held my temper in check at the time thinking that he needed the opportunity to readjust to life away from the battlefield. But his almost blatant refusal to embrace you under the mistletoe this morning has me very confused. Do have any explanation for his demeanor? Have the two of you quarreled?”

  Selina took a deep breath before answering. “Robert…Lord Crestor set me free before he left to join the cavalry. He doesn’t wish to marry me.”

  “Set you free…?” Lord Rockton frowned and seemed confused.

  “He told me that since nothing had been made official we needn’t consider ourselves betrothed.”

  Lord Rockton turned away from her, not speaking for several seconds. “This is a fine kettle of fish. Whatever can he have been thinking? Ever the honorable, all-that-is proper gentleman, I suppose.”

  “I…I hesitate to presume, my lord, but some of the things he has said…” Selina stopped herself reluctant to mention her dubious assumptions.

  “Well? Go on.”

  “I think it could be possible Robert believes you and me…”

  “What?” He looked down at her with an
arrested expression. Suddenly a grin lit up his face with mirth and he began to chuckle. He took her hand and placed it on top of his arm. “I was perplexed when he questioned me about how often I had visited London and even more astonished when he asked if I had a special woman in my life. Now his queries make sense.”

  “You believe my hunch is correct?”

  “I think it’s as safe as the bank.” He paused and looked thoughtful. “I can imagine you have suffered greatly over the past few months. It must have been very hard for you. I know how much you love him.”

  “Goodness, I had no idea my feelings showed that clearly.”

  “It’s not obvious but I have known both of you for a long time. I’ve watched as your affection for Robert grew from adoration to affection and finally, true love. We’re going to make the best of this situation and have some fun tonight, just follow my lead. The others have gathered in the drawing room to admire the festive decorations and to drink a toast to the holiday season. Let’s join them.”

  Chapter Four

  Robert couldn’t stop himself from frowning as Justin entered the room with Selina on his arm. He stood very close to her, bending over to hear something she said. He chuckled and Robert saw him deftly squeeze her hand before leading her across the floor to join their group.

  “Ah, perfect timing.” His father indicated a tray that had two filled champagne glasses on it. “Help yourselves to the champagne.”

  “Here you are, my dear.” Justin handed Selina a glass and then whispered something in her ear.

  Robert saw Selina nod her head in acknowledgement of whatever sweet nothings Justin had certainly spoken to her. Then she turned away to face the others.

  He took the opportunity to move closer to her. “I see that everything is as it should be. You two made quite a grand entrance.”

  “Happy holidays, my lord.” Selina answered him with a cool, emotionless tone.

  “I want to wish all of you a wonderful holiday season and hope you will enjoy your time here with us,” his father’s voice boomed out. “My wife and I also want our son Robert to know how proud we are of him and his service to our country. And how very grateful we are that he is home to spend Christmas with us.”

  He was surrounded by happy, smiling faces and then a resounding chorus of hurrahs. Feeling somewhat overwhelmed, he raised his glass. “Thank you, Father and Mother. Thank you all. I am very happy to be back in one piece. Happy Christmas!”

  His mother placed her glass on a nearby table and clapped her hands for attention. “Before dinner is served, Miss Bartley has graciously offered to play a few songs on the pianoforte for our pleasure. Miss Frances Bartley will also sing a tune.”

  Cheering and murmurs of approval broke out as both sisters’ faces turned a rosy hue.

  “I am certain you have discovered for yourselves, we are most fortunate in our cook, Mrs. Morton. She and I have worked tirelessly over the past few weeks discussing menus and various dishes. Please do your best to do justice to the tremendous feast we will be served tonight. Now enjoy the music.”

  After placing their empty glasses on the tray, everyone moved toward the group of chairs that had been placed on the other side of the room facing the pianoforte. Lord and Lady Burford sat at the front next to his father and mother. Selina, with her hand still clutching Justin’s forearm moved to a chair behind her parents. Justin quickly claimed the seat next to her. Lord Bartley choose the empty chair next to Lady Burford and Sir William settled himself on Justin’s other side. Robert found himself taking the only remaining unoccupied chair beside Selina.

  “It was always a tradition in our home to play and sing songs on Christmas Eve,” announced the elder Miss Bartley. “We hope you enjoy the sonatas we have chosen to perform.”

  She began to play a pretty melody that Robert quickly recognized as Mozart. Her sister stood by her side, hands folded in front of her, obviously waiting for her cue to sing. Robert closed his eyes, willing himself to relax and enjoy the music.

  “Your hand…I’m sorry. You’re so thin.”

  Selina’s softly spoken comment in his ear jolted him upright in his seat. “Uh…I know. As you might guess, there wasn’t much chance to sit at a table and eat proper meals.”

  “Was…was it terrible? The horrors you must have experienced. I apologize. I’m interrupting your obvious enjoyment of the performance. But I see Lord Bartley discussing something with my mother and I thought I would speak to you. There are so few chances to talk together.”

  “Let me just say that I fear it will be many months before I will be able to close my eyes at night and not see maimed, bloodied bodies of countless young men or hear their deafening cries of distress and agony in my ears.”

  Selina gasped. “I…I can’t imagine. I…I suppose I don’t really want to.”

  “I’m very sorry. I spoke without thinking of your tender sensibilities.” He twisted around in his chair to face her.

  “No, no. I wanted to hear this. I wanted to know something of your experiences over the past few months.” She looked directly at him for a moment and then abruptly stared down at the floor. “I thought of you every day. You must have realized when you set me free that it wouldn’t stop me from being concerned about your welfare.”

  “It’s good to know I was in your thoughts.” He glanced pointedly at her hand that was still wrapped around Justin’s sleeve. “I believe I took for granted you would be preoccupied with other relationships in your life.”

  “Excellent performance, wasn’t it, my dear?” Justin spoke out, effectively ending their tête-à-tête.

  “Ah…ah, yes. Miss Bartley plays the pianoforte with great skill.”

  “It appears we will have a sampling of Miss Frances’s voice next.”

  “Excuse me.” Robert stood up from his chair to walk over and stand next to Miss Bartley. The emotional turmoil he was going through watching Selina with Justin, hearing her speak of her concern for his welfare, the sweet sound of her voice in his ear, was making him feel bird-witted. He needed a distraction. “Let me turn the pages of the music for you.”

  “Thank you, my lord.”

  He managed to keep his gaze fixed upon Miss Bartley’s fingers as they tapped out the melodies of the next two songs. He could feel himself breathing a little easier as the Bartley sisters came to the end of their performance.

  “That was wonderful, ladies. Thank you so much.” His mother came to her feet. “We have a few minutes at our leisure before dinner will be served.”

  Robert walked over to one of the windows and stared at the bleak, winter landscape outside. Quite a contrast to what he had known in Brussels not many months ago.

  “I hope you’re prepared to stuff yourself tonight.”

  He turned around. Justin and Selina were standing together not far away from him. The others had left the room.

  “I’m certainly hungry.” Robert wasn’t sure how to answer Justin’s statement.

  “Good. We can’t have you blowing away in the harsh winter winds, which will happen if you don’t get your appetite back.”

  “Thank you for your concern.” Robert couldn’t keep the sarcastic tone out of his voice when he answered him.

  “Should we be going?” Selina didn’t look at him. She appeared uncomfortable with their conversation.

  “After you, my dear.” Justin bowed gallantly and waved his hand with a flourish. “Coming, Robert?”

  “In a moment.” He turned back to the window, this time not really looking at the garden.

  “I wanted to make certain you understood how extremely relieved and comforted I am by your safe return to England.”

  He twisted around at the sound of Selina’s voice. She was standing just inside the half-opened doorway.

  “Uh…thank you. I’ll do my best to justify those feelings.”

  “Always take care of yourself. Knowing you are healthy and happy would bring me the greatest satisfaction.”

  * * * * *

>   Selina entered the dining room a few minutes later. Lord Rockton was at her side. Her hands were shaking and her heart was pounding so hard that she could feel the throbbing sensation inside her eardrums. She was not sorry she had spoken. In the short amount of time available to her, she knew she had to make Robert understand something of the pain he had caused her. Just as she should be aware of a small part of what he had experienced, no matter appalling the reality of it was for her to hear.

  She took a deep breath in an effort to relax herself as she forced herself to take note of the sparkling glasses, glowing white china plates, and shiny, polished silverware, all framed by festive pieces of holly and pine branches. A massive crystal chandelier glimmered brightly with many candles as it hung from the ceiling, high above the table.

  “Lord Rockton, Lady Selina, you two are seated here on this side. Lord Bartley, you are next to Lady Selina. Miss Frances, you are at this chair between Lord Burford and Lord Rockton. Miss Bartley, you will be here, to my right since the numbers are a little off and we are short one gentleman to make it even. Robert, you will be next to her and to your right will be Lady Burford.” Lady Dunstable stood at her place at the foot of the table. “I trust everyone is comfortable and ready to eat?”

  A chorus of affirmatives answered her query.

  “Huntley, you may begin to serve our dinner.”

  “Yes, my lady.”

  Selina glanced across the table at Robert. He was listening to something her mother was commenting upon and had his head turned away from her.

  “I confess I’m eager to see what the soup will be.” Lord Rockton sounded ready to relish the meal from start to finish.

  “Whatever it is, I’m certain it will be delicious.” Selina mentally prepared herself to remain calm and enjoy the special banquet.

  “My lords and ladies, the potato soup is served.” Huntley made the pronouncement with a grand flourish. Several footmen entered the room behind him. Each man carried a tray containing two bowls of steaming hot soup. The dishes were quickly passed around as Huntley opened bottles of red wine. He poured a small amount of the liquid into Lord Dunstable’s glass. He took a sip and pronounced it excellent. The other glasses were filled while the footmen brought out baskets of freshly baked rolls and bread.