It's Never Enough Read online

  “I barely recognize you! You need to put some meat on those bones. Grab a plate and dig in. Cook has prepared a tremendous feast for us on this Christmas Eve morning.”

  Robert went over to the sideboard and studied the various dishes. There was bacon, grilled trout in white butter sauce, smoked herrings, and sausages with mashed potatoes. Several kinds of fresh breads and rolls overflowed from inside decorative baskets. Butter, honey, orange marmalade and apple and cherry jam were in various dishes nearby. He helped himself to several items and then sat down across the table from Justin.

  “Would you care for coffee or tea, my lord?” A servant suddenly appeared at his elbow with two silver jugs.

  “Coffee please. That will be all for me for now.”

  Justin had his cup refilled before speaking. “How long has it been since you left Brussels?”

  “Almost a month,” He forked a sausage and dipped it in some mashed potatoes. “I stayed until Kilgore was well enough to travel home. You knew that Edward, Lord Kilgore was severely wounded at Waterloo?”

  “Yes, I heard he almost lost a leg.”

  Robert took a bite of the sausage and then a sip of his coffee. “It was a near thing. The doctor wanted to take it off but he was insistent that they leave him whole. Infection set in shortly after they removed the bullet from his leg—just below the knee. I stayed by his side during the raging depths of his fever and took it upon myself to clean the dressing twice daily even when he was thrashing about on the bed caught up in hallucinations brought on by the sickness. I was very relieved when his fever finally broke a few days later.”

  “It sounds as if he owes you his life.”

  Robert shrugged as he spooned a dollop of jam on a slice of bread. “As you can imagine, medical supplies were very meagre with so many men wounded and needing attention. I was lucky enough to come out of the battles unscathed. It gave me a sense of purpose to help Kilgore and others who were not so fortunate.”

  “I must say I felt guilty that I couldn’t join you.”

  Robert looked up from his plate and studied his friend. Unlike himself, Justin hadn’t changed much over the last several months. He still wore his thick, golden-hued hair long, off his high forehead, tied back with a thin, black leather strap. Fine, sandy-colored brows and pronounced cheekbones framed large green eyes. A classic, aristocratic nose that was slightly bent at the bridge hovered over firm lips and a strong chin. “I’m glad your numerous responsibilities kept you at home, I don’t think I could have withstood the pain and great sense of calamity I would have experienced if you had perished on the battlefield.”

  “How do you think I felt when news of the horrific loss of life at Waterloo reached me? I pored over the lists of names of the dead, holding my breath, wanting to believe you had survived but also realizing the sheer impossibility of it when I saw the number of men who were gone forever.”

  Robert sighed and pushed away his empty plate. A servant entered the room. He removed the dish and refilled the gentlemen’s cups of coffee before leaving.

  “As I said before, I was very fortunate to escape from that appalling battle unharmed.” He drank some of the hot liquid and contemplated his friend intently. “What about you, Justin? What have you been doing with yourself while I was gone? Did you have a chance to visit London during the Season?”

  “I spent some time in the city, mostly visiting my aunt and cousin but you are quite familiar with the myriad number of responsibilities I have to deal with almost daily on my estate. Those duties make it hard for me to be away for any great length of time.”

  “You came to no understanding with a special woman?”

  Justin paused as he was raising his cup to his lips. He lowered it back to the table, with a confused expression upon his face. “Did you suffer a severe blow to the head in battle? You of all people know that I do all I can to stay out of the parson’s mousetrap. I have no interest in getting married for several years yet.”

  “I was under the impression that you had decided to change your plans for the immediate future and settle down.”

  Justin pushed his chair back and stood up from the table. “I can’t possibly imagine what gave you such a silly notion. I know that I never told you that I was attracted to any special woman. Get another plate of food, Robert. Your loss of weight must be causing you to come up with some rather extreme flights of fancy.”

  * * * * *

  “Be quick, Ellie. I want to be gone before Lord Crestor goes downstairs for breakfast.” Selina gulped the rest of her hot chocolate and took a bite of toast. She strode across the room, turned with her back toward her maid, who was holding her coat. She struggled to get her arms inside the tight sleeves of the fur-lined pelisse.

  “First you pick at your food at the dinner table and end up eating from the kitchen larder when you should have been in your bed. Now you neglect to do what is proper and partake of the morning meal with the others downstairs. It is Christmas Eve after all. I beg your pardon my lady but I don’t understand why you are acting this way.”

  “I know it’s silly of me. How I wish I had never picked up that stale thing at Almack’s! Now I have dwelled upon the incident and made myself awkward and discomfited. To add to my uneasiness, Robert, Lord Crestor makes a surprise appearance and I find I am shamefully out of countenance.”

  “But my lady, you had no problem eating with him in the kitchen last night.”

  “You saw how he was, Ellie. He insisted I share the impromptu feast with him. My only thought at that time was to finish my meal as quickly as possible so that I could return to my bedchamber.” She felt her face flush as she thought more about the incident. “How mortifying that was to eat with him dressed only in my nightgown and flimsy wrapper!”

  “I’m certain Lord Crestor wouldn’t ever complain about the clothes you were wearing,” her maid replied in a smug fashion.

  “I feel I’ve suffered enough over the past few months after his casual abandonment of me. I had no wish to bring further complications by adding extremely embarrassing situations to the coil. That is precisely why I’m intent on avoiding the breakfast room and his company this morning. Come, let us go. A brisk walk on the grounds will do us both good.”

  “Yes, my lady.” Ellie sounded quite unenthusiastic about the prospect.

  Selina walked out of the bedchamber door and pulled on her gloves as she hurried down the stairs.

  “Lady Selina, we are just going into breakfast. Won’t you join us or have you already eaten?”

  Selina looked below to find Lord Bartley, Sir William and the Bartley sisters clustered together in the hallway. The door to the library opened behind them and Justin, Lord Rockton emerged. “I have it on good authority that Lady Selina has not breakfasted as yet as I was the first to partake of only a tiny sampling of the tremendous amount of food Cook has produced for us. There is grilled trout with butter sauce, sausages with mashed potatoes, bacon, smoked herrings and baskets filled with fresh breads and rolls accompanied by delicious jams and orange marmalade. You can’t mean to skip such a feast, my dear?”

  Selina could feel her stomach begin to clench as she listened to Lord Rockton’s mouthwatering descriptions. Ellie wasn’t helping the situation—standing next to her with her eyebrows raised on her forehead, nodding in the direction of the breakfast room.

  “I intended to take a walk around the gardens before eating.”

  “Walking was a favorite pastime of our mother’s,” the elder Miss Bartley spoke softly with a solemn expression on her face, “It would bring me much pleasure to accompany you after breakfast.”

  “Oh yes, could I come as well?” the younger Frances Bartley pleaded.

  Selina forced a smile onto her face as she saw Lord Rockton winking and nodding at her from his place at the back of the group. “I would appreciate your companionship, ladies. I suppose I could eat something now.”

  “Wonderful. Lead the way, Lady Selina.” Lord Bartley stepped back to allo
w her to precede him.

  Huntley was waiting for them and he opened the breakfast room door with a flourish. “Enjoy your meal, my lords and ladies!”

  Selina walked into the room and immediately wished she had stuck to her original plan when she spotted Robert talking with her mother and father as they piled their plates with food. His parents were standing nearby beaming at him with obvious pride.

  “Selina! We were just speaking of you.” Lady Burford put her plate down on the table and stepped toward her. “Happy Christmas Eve, dear.”

  Selina gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “The same to you, Mother. What were you talking about?”

  “I was only asking Robert if he had seen you since he arrived last evening.” Her mother lowered her voice to a whisper. “Such a surprise he has given us all. A wonderful Christmas present to Andrew and Louisa!”

  “Yes, to have him here for the holidays after the many anxious months while he was away must be very gratifying for them both.”

  “How are you holding up, Selina?”

  “I’m fine, Mother. It is a shock to see him so thin but I’m sure Cook will fatten him up very quickly if she continues to produce such delicious meals as this breakfast and the dinner we had last night.”

  “Happy holidays, my dear.” Her father walked up and hugged her. “We were becoming concerned when we didn’t find you at the table.”

  Selina returned his embrace. “Yes, well, I had planned to go walking first but the Misses Bartley convinced me to have my meal now so that they may join me on a stroll when we have finished.”

  She greeted Robert’s parents, Lord and Lady Dunstable before turning to peruse the nearby sideboard that was covered with dishes of food. Selina sniffed the air appreciatively.

  “Were you attempting to skip breakfast as well?” She heard the whispered voice and discovered Robert standing next to her.

  “Certainly not, I planned to eat later. You heard me mention to my father I was about to set out for a walk but postponed my plans at the request of the Bartleys.”

  “I didn’t tell your mother about our chance meeting in the kitchen.”

  “Thank you for not saying anything about it.” She moved away from him and picked up a plate.

  She found him at her elbow once again. “Of course you are well aware that Justin breaks his fast quite early in the morning. There was little chance you would be ready at that time.”

  “I have no idea what you are talking about, my lord. I have absolutely no clue why I should be interested in Lord Rockton’s eating habits.”

  “Quit dawdling, Lady Selina. Everyone else has filled their plates. I’ve even gone back for seconds. Come and join us.” Lord Rockton’s voice rang out over everyone else’s happy chatter and the sound of cutlery clanging against the white porcelain dishes.

  “His first thought should be of your welfare.” Robert muttered before moving away and joining his parents at the table.

  Selina frowned in confusion at his words. What could he be referring to? He seemed greatly changed by his experiences on the battlefield. She hoped it was only a temporary predicament. She shrugged her shoulders as she reminded herself that Robert didn’t wish for her to have any type of interference in his life. It was up to his family to concern themselves with his health and welfare. She turned and faced the many delicacies on the sideboard. After making several selections from the dishes and baskets, she sat at the empty chair between her mother and Lord Rockton.

  A servant appeared at her side and poured her tea. She added milk and sugar and sipped the hot beverage with a sigh of relief.

  “Lady Dunstable’s cook has excelled herself this morning. The meal last night was delicious as well.” Lord Rockton took a bite of trout.

  “Indeed. The cook, a Mrs. Morton, is of the third generation in her family to dignify the kitchens of this estate.” Selina’s mother took a drink of her tea. “I understand that many of the recipes were originally concocted by Mrs. Morton’s grandmother.”

  Selina glanced over at the crowded sideboard where a servant was adding more slices of bacon to a half-empty dish. “Cook is obviously quite comfortable preparing an abundant selection of food.”

  “I can only imagine the banquet she has planned for us tonight.” Lord Rockton forked the last bit of sausage into his mouth and pushed his chair away from the table. “No more food for me. Lady Selina, you have hardly touched your breakfast.”

  Since sitting down at the table, Selina had been conscious of Robert’s intense gaze upon her face. She had attempted to ignore him but couldn’t stop herself from glancing at him from time to time. Her preoccupation with him had caused her to forget about her food. She picked up her fork and grinned up at Lord Rockton. “I was so busy admiring the feast that I forgot to taste it as well.”

  “You’re not suffering an attack of nerves again, my dear?” her mother whispered in her ear.

  “No, don’t worry, Mother.” She bit into a piece of bacon and then picked up a slice of the warm bread. She spooned some of the orange marmalade onto the surface.

  “If I may invite myself, I’d like to join you and the others on your walk, Lady Selina.” Lord Rockton stood up from his chair and bowed to her.

  “Of course you may come, my lord.”

  “I trust my presence on the outing as well will not cause any awkwardness?”

  Selina noticed Robert had moved to stand just behind Lord Rockton. “Whatever can you mean, Lord Crestor? You are certainly welcome to come with us.”

  “There is Bartley and Sir William, and a sister each for them. Then there is you and Justin. I am decidedly the odd man out on this excursion.”

  Selina frowned when she heard Robert couple her with Lord Rockton. She remembered his veiled expression when she had first come upon him in the kitchen last night and his assumption later that she would know all about his friend’s recent activities. Surely he didn’t believe…

  “You young people enjoy yourselves. Perhaps you can collect some greenery while you are out as well. I’m sure Louisa would appreciate it. There never seems to be quite enough to decorate such a large house as this is.” Her mother didn’t appear to notice anything amiss with Robert’s comments.

  “Let’s leave Lady Selina to finish her meal in peace. We’ll meet in the entryway in half an hour if that is acceptable to you, my dear?”

  Selina didn’t think she was imagining it but she thought she saw Robert flinch when Lord Rockton spoke the words of affection to her. Was he suffering from some type of hidden injury he had received in battle? “Are you well, Lord Crestor?”

  He raised his eyebrows when she asked the question. “Yes, I am fine.”

  “He’s suffering from lack of nourishment. With Cook’s help he should be well on the way to recovery before too many days have passed.” Lord Rockton spoke in a sarcastic manner as he glared at his friend. He turned back to Selina. “Is thirty minutes acceptable?”

  “That is perfectly acceptable, my lord.”

  Chapter Three

  Robert took a sip from his glass of brandy and stared at the glowing flames in the fireplace. He mulled over the events that had occurred on the late morning walk. With one exception, the excursion had been quite civilized—mostly devoid of any drama or tension. The Bartley sisters had strolled in front with Lady Selina while he had joined Lord Bartley, Sir William, and Justin bringing up the rear of the group.

  The discussions they had together during the outing had been commonplace, even mundane. Lord Bartley had commented on the vastness of the Dunstable estate. He had requested advice about the best methods to implement crop rotation on his own property. This was a subject near and dear to Justin and the two gentlemen had debated the issue for most of the trek. Sir William had asked Robert for his own impressions of the city of Brussels before the horrific battle of Waterloo had begun.

  The women talked in low, soft voices to one another. He had heard fragments of their conversations. Selina had commented on the br
isk, cold wind as they reached the summit of the pathway that bordered the estate. The elder Miss Bartley had asked her if it ever snowed during the winter in this area. At her affirmative answer, the younger Bartley sister had giggled and clapped her hands, seemingly in hopes of catching a glimpse of some white globs of ice before the holiday was over.

  Just before they had reached the courtyard that would lead them back into the house, Huntley appeared bearing two cloth sacks. “My lords, Sir William, Lady Selina and Misses Bartley, Lady Dunstable has requested that you gather a few branches of greenery to decorate the dinner table and sitting room. When you return, hot chocolate and butter shortbread will be waiting for you.”

  A chorus of “oohs” and “aahs” broke out from the group.

  “How about having some sherry for the ladies and brandy for the gentlemen on hand as well, Huntley?” Robert clasped his gloved hands together and blew on them. It was getting colder as the morning moved on toward afternoon.

  “Of course, my lord.”

  Sir William and Justin each took a bag. Lord Bartley and his sisters joined forces with Justin. Robert found himself accompanying Selina and Sir William on their quest for bits of holly and pine branches.

  A thick, natural wooded area was close by, not too far off the path. Robert led the way and soon the two groups had split apart, each concentrating on collecting greenery from what they considered to be the best specimens. Sir William found a bushy pine tree and he began cutting some of the lower branches using a small knife that he pulled from his pocket.

  Selina wandered toward a holly bush that had entangled itself around the trunk of a large birch tree. She started pulling on one of the branches that had a cluster of red berries upon it.

  “Let me help you.” Robert rushed over to Selina imagining the sharp thorns on the leaves piercing her thin leather gloves and stabbing her soft, tender skin. He pulled a small pair of scissors from his waistcoat pocket.